My dirty Converse are the gates to heaven. Within these pearly white gates, are a nirvana you can only dream of. You're unworthy of touching and being in the presence of My divine, perfect, size 7.5 feet, but maybe.. just maybe, I'll allow you purchase and worship My dirty sneakers. However, you'll have to prove yourself a worthy worshiper first. I don't allow just ANYONE to place My dirty shoes upon their shrine - why should I entrust you?